One of the things I’ve never mentioned about my own wedding planning is that we sort of epically failed at making the bouquets for myself and my bridesmaids. I’d spent a fair amount of time poring over Meg’s posts on doing her own flowers (carefully ignoring the part where she, you know, practiced), and it seemed easy enough that I thought it might be something we could handle. So I ordered $300 worth of ranunculus online (thinking they were basically cheaper versions of peonies, which is false since they’re a totally different size), and asked my crafty step-mom if she’d be willing to gift me her time making them as a wedding present.

Turns out, we didn’t order enough flowers and we didn’t really know how to care for them either, so everything died the morning of our wedding, forcing my dear stepmom to run around like a crazy person buying up all the roses at BJ’s Wholesale Club for replacement bouquets while my dad called me every hour on the hour using his serious voice to give me updates (at which point, I’d stopped caring. I was getting married, who needs flowers?). It all worked out in the end, but it was clear that “winging it” was probably not the best game plan for that project.

The thing is, bouquets aren’t actually all that hard to put together. But what I was missing was information on how to construct the bouquet, what flowers to use, and how to care for them. So today we have a bright, colorful bouquet tutorial (read: exactly what I wanted) from longtime APW sponsors Blooms by the Box that answers those questions, in the truest lazy-girl fashion possible. Let’s start with pictures, then those of you who are smarter than me detail focused, can actually read the instructions as well.

Alright. Let’s break this down, lazy-girl style:

One: First, you’ll need to get your flowers. For this bouquet, Blooms by the Box used half a bunch of hot pink ranunculus, one third of a bunch of purple tulips, three stems of yellow spray roses, one third of a bunch of lemon garden roses, and one third of a bunch of fuchsia stock. Now, because they love you guys, Blooms by the Box set up a special APW page with just the ingredients for this bouquet on it, but of course you can buy them at your local flower market if you want. The secret to not totally messing up like I did is to order more than you think you’re going to need. Because mistakes happen, and it’s always better to have too much than to be making last-minute trips to BJ’s Wholesale Club, right? (Pro-tip: yes.) Once you’ve got all your flowers, make sure to prep them properly so they stay fresh and, well, don’t die.

Two: Next gather all the materials for your bouquet. For this bouquet, Blooms by the Box used burlap, lace ribbon, floratape stem wrap, and floral scissors. Of course, you can always substitute the burlap and lace for ribbon or another textile of your choosing (I found glitter ribbon at Michael’s last week—is all I’m saying.)

Three: Start off by building the center of your bouquet. Take three flowers and begin wrapping them with the stem wrap (when pulled tight, stem wrap adheres to itself and tears easily, so it should be very easy to work with).

Four and Five: Once your base is secured, continue building a round shape by adding more flowers. Add stem wrap every time you add four or five new flowers so that the bouquet will be sturdy and round.

Six: Once you have your round shape, and the bouquet is the size you want, secure the stems using additional stem wrap.

Seven and Eight: Once the bouquet is secure, use your floral scissors to trim the stems by cutting straight across. (Pro-tip: leave the stems long enough to make a second cut the morning of the wedding for an extra hour of hydration.)

Nine: I learned recently that there are lots of ways to attach ribbon, burlap, or lace to create a bouquet wrap. You can use corsage pins, a floral glue gun, or floral adhesive. Blooms by the Box used floral adhesive for this tutorial (just dab a little right on the stems).

Ten: After the glue has had a minute to dry, pull the burlap around the stems. Make sure you are pulling tight so the stem wrap is secure without looking bulky. When you’re done, use the floral adhesive again to glue the burlap in place. (You can also add extra lace or other textures at this point by simply replicating the steps you took with the burlap.)

And that’s it! The lazy girl’s guide to creating a bouquet. You don’t even have to shop around for this one. Just click and done.

And since we care, a few additional tips from Blooms by the Box (the full scoop is at their Do-It-Yourself Flowers 101 page, or on our How To page, which has enough projects to really get you in trouble):

Usually a large or full bridal bouquet calls for about 25–30 stems (depending on the size of the flowers you plan on using). A medium bridesmaid bouquet calls for around 15–20 stems. Small bouquets for flowers girls or mothers of the bride and groom call for 10–12 stems. These measurements should help you estimate flower quantities for your order.

Pick three or more colors to be incorporated in the bouquet. Two-tone bouquets can look flat, but adding at least one more color or shade of a color creates texture and depth, and helps make DIY bouquets look more professional.

How To Make a Grocery Store Wedding Bouquet

How To Write Wedding Vows

How To Crowdsource Your Wedding Photos On Instagram

The Complete APW How-To Series

Photos provided by Blooms by the Box (APW Sponsors)

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy APW,

Today’s Happy Hour comes first thing, because let’s be for realz. If you’re in the US, and you’re at your desk this Friday before the three-day weekend, you probably have no desire to actually do any real work. Today is all about pushing papers around your desk and opening your email screen when your boss walks by, while you hope that around about one o’clock someone in charge will wise up close up the office. And for the record, since I’m now the someone in charge, APW is totally closing up shop early today, so the staff can all head out till Tuesday. (And for those of you worried that having kids means you’ll never leave home again, we’re packing the kiddo up for his fifth flight this afternoon. The only thing that’s changed over the learning curve of flying with him is that I’ve gotten less tense. He’s a good traveler, but he’s also a baby. It goes how it goes.)

In the meantime, it has been all busy busy behind the scenes here. We’ve been working for a while to bring you a straight-up logistics feature on wedding planning, because what you really end up wanting to know is how to get the beer hauled to the wedding, not how to make a wedding inspiration board on Pinterest. (Meaning, basically, much of your time spent wedding planning was wasted on the fun stuff. Drat.) So we’re thrilled that we’ve finally made it a reality. On Tuesday, Elizabeth of Lowe House Events (she of the how to buy booze for your wedding and wedding timeline posts) will kick off our new bi-weekly series:

Bam.

And with that, here is a toast to getting NOTHING done, for the next three plus days. Well, except sitting around and chatting with a nice cold beverage in hand.

It’s your Friday open thread, hop on it!

xo

Meg

Highlights from APW This Week

A Private Wedding. Not it’s not rude to ask your Uncle Frank to refrain from sharing your wedding video on Facebook. But, if you don’t want to ask him to his face, you can also download this free printable kindly requesting your guests to help keep your wedding private by not sharing photos or videos on social media.

A Bodega Bay elopement with a Winnebago. We have the coolest readers. (And smartest. We love your minds too.)

Liz gets down to it on the Mother-Son relationship, and how that changes during and after a wedding. (And why you’d better sit up and pay attention.)

Planning a wedding with a baby. For your Friday LoLz. Mmm, wine.

Elisabeth totally nails that painful process of realizing that the wedding you really, really, really want isn’t always the wedding you can afford or have the logistical manpower to make happen. And that’s okay. (Truth is, most of us go through this.)

Planning Our Invisible Wedding. On the bigness of moving together, and how sometimes that can be just as much of a commitment as a wedding (except, you get fewer plates).

Y’all. Sometimes it’s not worth getting complicated. We’ve talked many times on APW about how important it is to have someone else in charge of the logistics of your wedding day… someone who is NOT you (or your mama). Sometimes you have a friend do that, sometimes you hire someone. (And honestly, if you can make it work? Hire someone. Then go pour yourself a glass of wine as a reward.) But the trick to hiring a wedding planner is, in a word, sanity. You want someone who is awesome and skilled, but you also want someone who’s not upselling you on chairs and trying to get you to have goldfish in your centerpieces. (I’ve for sure been at the dead-goldfish-centerpiece party, and it’s… troubling.) If you’re in Southern California, as of today, your lady is Allie at Pop The Champagne. Allie is an APWer, a wedding graduate, and has worked with lots of you guys (and you love her).

Lemmie break this down for you. Allie’s DOC rates start at $550 (I know. $550 AMERICAN DOLLARS. This is crazy-time amazing pricing.) DOC+ rates start at $900. And here is where it gets almost absurd. Her full planning prices (that is, yes, hiring someone to plan that baby for you) start at $1,995. I can guarantee you that these rates are not going to last, and you should book Allie probably yesterday. But lets get down to brass tacks.

What does Allie do anyway and why is she so awesome? She:

• Breaks down wedding planning into bite-size chunks, giving you monthly to-do lists and easy to understand tasks.
• Takes the heat when you want something different than your mom… just blame it on the wedding planner. She can take it.
• Works with other amazing vendors to piece together a day that is unique and special—staying on time and on budget.
• Spends hours on research and emails back and forth with vendors so you can spend your time doing more important things like studying for finals, or Karaoke at the bar.
• Knows when to root you on with your wacky ideas and when to reel you in when you get complicated for no reason.
• Will remind you that every fancy centerpiece, photobooth, and signature cocktail in the world don’t compare for a second to the awesomeness of being married at the end of the day. That is all that matters.
• Will organize the shit out of your wedding day to make sure it runs like a well-oiled matrimony machine.

And then there is Allie’s philosophy. I’m going to let her preach it:

I have spent my whole career working in hospitality and events, but when planning my own wedding in 2010, I fell in love… not necessarily with the business and crazy WIC vendors that try to talk you into things you don’t believe in… but the actual weddings. I will never judge you for crazy ideas or tiny budgets. I will be totally honest and simplify things when possible. I love the craziness of the wedding day most of all and have been known to take a shot with the bride and shake my thang on the dance floor.

As a former APW bride I think I have a unique perspective when it comes to working with APW readers—I get it. I understand your challenges and am on your team. My business philosophy is simple, whether I am helping plan from day one or just there doing day-of coordination, I want to make things as easy on the couple as possible. Every couple is different with the places they need help—some with organization, some with decor and ideas, some don’t have the slightest how the heck weddings work. It is my job to step in and fill the gaps. I am not an event designer, but I love to make things beautiful, and I know how to make it happen. With the magic of the World Wide Web and the almighty Pinterest I have found a lot of couples will show me a picture or a board and be all… “Like this.” So, I can do that! I keep the couple on track, on time and on budget—and keep them having fun. It’s supposed to be fun ya’ll!

I cannot wait to jump in and be a part of it all, and my pricing reflects that. My pricing for day-of coordination is especially competitive because I believe it is something that every wedding needs—especially the budget or DIY types. (Editors note: the more DIY your wedding, the more you need someone-who-is-not-you to be in charge the day of. For. Serious.) I am straightforward with pricing and packages on my website because I want to make things easy, and I feel like the “every wedding is different so please contact me for a quote” thing is bullshit. When you are researching and looking at different sites, you want answers.

From where I’m standing, this is dead simple. If you’re getting married in Southern California, you probably want Allie at Pop The Champagne to be your DOC (or full planner). If that means cutting one thing from your budget so you can afford her $550 DOC fee—do it. Those centerpieces are nice. Sanity and humor mixed with kick ass organization? Take this from a wedding graduate: that’s better. So get in touch already. (Feel free to send me thank you whisky after you take my advice. xo, Meg)

(And a PSA. Allie would like you to know that you should not, in fact, Pop the Champagne at home. While trying to get an awesome promotional photo for her website, her husband popped the champagne cork right in his eye, landing him in the ER. I know. Thank god A Practical Wedding is a less dangerous sounding brand, or I would have done myself in long ago.)

Photos: Rad + In Love (APW sponsors), Nathaniel Taylor Photography, Rad + In Love 

My fiancé and I are not shy about cutting “traditions” that aren’t going to work for our wedding or seem silly to us. Garter-toss? Out. Throwing my bouquet? Uh-uh. Cake-cutting? Make it pie! One tradition we have kept—and one I especially look forward to—is our first dance. We’ve already picked a song (Louis Armstrong’s “La Vie en Rose”) and have been talking about getting ballroom dance lessons for years.

However, last week my future mother-in-law threw a bit of a wrench in the plans. We were casually discussing the wedding over dessert when she announced that she had asked my fiancé to take some ballroom dance classes—with her. She then invited me to join—with my dad. She’s been divorced from my fiancé’s father for twelve years (they don’t speak) and does not currently have anyone (romantically) in her life. He is her only child. She has been nothing but absolutely excellent to me—making every friendly overture possible from day one, being respectful of our relationship and us, and always being incredibly thoughtful and considerate. She’s really a dream future mother-in-law! As a dedicated follower of APW Philosophy, I tried not to immediately jump to, “But it’s MY wedding!” I made some polite noises and the conversation continued from there. The problem is, I find myself privately feeling hurt, jealous, and indignant. It’s ugly, but true. I feel like dance lessons are something my fiancé and I should be doing, not him and his mother. Besides, my dad has already taken ballroom dance and knows what he’s doing. I haven’t spoken to my fiancé, but this issue is burning a hole in me while I keep silent.

What do I do? Keep silent and try to let it go? Try to discuss it? I would really appreciate your help!

Mentally Making Assessment of Maternal Matters Anxiously—Mother In-law Astounds!

Dear MMAMMA-MIA!,

I get enough emails about terror mothers-in-law, that it’s sort of a relief to hear you gushing about yours. And even in this little snag of a situation, it sounds less like your mother-in-law is overstepping boundaries, and more like your partner isn’t setting them. I’m guessing that’s not for any reason other than that he just didn’t know. He didn’t know this was important to you! He didn’t know that you wanted ballroom dancing lessons to be “your thing.” So, mom asked to take lessons, and he jumped on board. While it makes for a sticky issue, you can’t really fault either of them for it. And before you pull him aside to talk it out, let’s figure out whether or not this is a situation where you even need those boundaries.

I completely understand what it’s like to want something unique and special and “just us” with your partner. But, the whole wedding day is one giant special moment with him. While you may feel like “ballroom dance lessons is OUR THING!” really, isn’t the whole day, “our thing”? Meanwhile, that mother-son dance is the only small “just us” moment your mother-in-law gets with him. And in a symbolic, but also real sort of way, it’s her last one. This is it. From here on out, he’s all yours. You’ll be able to have hypothetical “ballroom dance lesson” moments just the two of you for the rest of your lives. She, mostly, will not. And I’m guessing she knows it and wants to make the most of it while she can.

I passed your question over to former ATP writer Alyssa (as I sometimes do. She’s not emeritus staff for nothin’) and she pointed out that in addition to that emotional, symbolic stuff, mother-in-law is probably super nervous about dancing in front of people. Sure, dance lessons would mean she gets an extra opportunity to spend time with her son, savoring the last moments before he has a new family of his own. But, they also mean she won’t look like an ass in front of her friends. Anyone would be nervous about being center stage on a super emotional, important day. But, add to that the fact that your dad knows how to dance? You’re setting up a tough act to follow.

So, yeah. Usually I’m writing about the wedding being a time of setting boundaries and for laying the groundwork to make sure that your relationship with your spouse is respected and protected. But, there’s also another piece to weddings that’s all about joining two families together into one big (hopefully) happy family. Instead of that first kind of boundary issue, I see this as potentially that second kind of family opportunity. You two can still take your private lessons together and have your special time. But maybe this is one chance to expand “just us” to “all of us” by taking lessons all together, too, or giving her some alone time with her son.

The flip side to figuring out how to protect “our thing” by creating personal, private time, traditions, and memories for just the two of you, is figuring out how to allow family in. The need to hash out that line between “just us” and “you can be part of this” is already starting, and both sides of that coin are important. It’s tricky. It’s personal. But, it’s worth the thought and effort to make sure you’re paying attention to both your baby-family and your extended one.

If I haven’t made it clear yet, I’d include mom in this one. Let her have some time with her son as she adjusts to the idea that he’s moving on. But, it still is a good opportunity to pull your partner aside and say, “Hey. That was important to me. I like having things that are just specially ours.” That conversation might as well begin now, because it’s not ending any time soon. It’ll to come up from time to time, whether in the form of, “Oh, I didn’t know you wanted me to wait and see The Great Gatsby with you!” or, “Whoops, didn’t realize this was sexy-dinner when I invited my college roommate along.” Be ready to let him know when things are “just us” (because it’s important to have those!), but realize that this wedding is just the beginning of a lifetime of “just us.” It’s okay to share a little.

*****

Team Practical, how do you determine what stuff is just for you and your partner, and what you can invite your family to enjoy with you?

Photo by Calin Peters.

If you would like to ask Team Practical a question please don’t be shy! You can email Liz at: askteampractical [at] apracticalwedding [dot] com. If you would prefer to not be named, anonymous questions are also accepted. Though it really makes our day when you come up with a clever sign-off!

by Elisabeth Snell, 2013 APW Writing Intern

I grew up going to an all-girls sleepaway summer camp in Maine. For seven blissful weeks each summer, I’d slip on the camp uniform of blue polyester and dash out of a platform tent in the pursuit of pure joy—sailing, hiking, canoeing, taking star turns as Daddy Warbucks on the camp stage, singing hearty rounds about swinging along the open road, fostering wonderful relationships with other similarly wholesome youngsters. I still dream about renewing my Junior Maine Woodsmen badge. I drag K with me to Family Camp every August, and stand on the dock with other alumnae reminiscing about that great summer of 1994 and the time our canoe tipped on the Sheepscot River, what a lark! K enjoys it, or tolerates it, in a bemused way, while I stand around harmonizing “The Happy Wanderer” and getting a little teary about the first time I got to swim out to the raft.

We started wedding planning in earnest just after Family Camp last summer. One of the first things we did was make a list of all of the hopes we had for our wedding day, per the book. I had about a hundred different ideas, but K had just one key phrase—community. The idea that our wedding might be a one-day, five-hour intensive celebration was too overwhelming for her deeply introverted self. Her family and friends are far-flung, and she hoped our wedding would be a low-key gathering where she would actually get to spend meaningful time with people. And that’s when I suggested a weekend wedding summer camp getaway.

If our wedding was at summer camp, we could have a lot of activities, so our occasionally awkward and loving families could mingle if they wanted, or walk the labyrinth if they didn’t. All challenge by choice, of course; if you wanted to stay at in town you could, or you could stay on premises with us and perform your talent for the Rehearsal Dinner/Campfire, and then face the lake to sing “Taps” to the setting sun/the happy couple.

And so began my search for the perfect summer-camp-like experience within the tri-state area. I conducted such a thorough literature review that I should submit it for publication. When I stumbled on a low-key resort in the lower Adirondacks, I thought we were golden. On the five and a half hour drive up, we both agreed that it was a bit of a pain for our guests to fly into New York, rent a car, and keep driving for half a day, but we assured each other that the meaningful time they’d have upon arrival would make it totally worthwhile. We’d even make them a mix CD with some camp songs to kick it off.

We toured the place on a cloudless June day. It was warm, a little windy, and the old buildings could not have looked more quaint and welcoming. We traipsed through old Victorians and I mentally calculated how we’d tell our guests that every room was a single, so don’t mind the twin bed, just come outside and look at the water sparkling off the mountains. I figured sharing a twin bed would be the cutest wedding night ever, like we were make-believe college girlfriends, fine! When I saw the old boathouse and dock, I was hooked, imagining twinkling white lights draped across the watery structure and darling rustic cocktails, maybe a banner saying, “A wet knot is harder to untie!” I know. I can’t even write about it I want it so much.

As we passed hiking trails, we dreamed about having a midday pre-wedding hike (K: “Anyone who wants to can hike up the mountain,” and me: “And charming platters of hors d’oeuvres and maybe champagne can be waiting at the top!” K: “You’ve got to be kidding…Oh, you’re not.”). K was sold when she saw Adirondack chairs scattered hither and yon. I knew what she was thinking—here is where she could have early morning meaningful time with her best friends, where they would sip coffee and mostly exchange monosyllabic words while watching the fog burn off the lake. Me, I imagined how ephemerally beautiful I’d look coming by canoe to our simple ceremony, and how I could paddle my new husbutch away from the reception while people waved from the shoreline and placed candles in floating Dixie cups into the water.

We drove home (six and a half hours, with traffic) the same day, and we were all in. It was going to be the world’s best community-minded summer camp festival of a wedding. It was going to be the best weekend of our guests’ lives. And so we started planning, and things started to fall a bit flat, one sticky s’more after another.

Yes, we could rent the place, but it wouldn’t come with any staff, food, setup, or cleanup. That was okay, we could cater it! I totaled up how much it would cost to bring in simple catered meals for over a hundred guests for a long weekend. There went our sperm fund, but it was worth it because these were the memories of a lifetime. K started researching the cubic footage of our Honda Fit and assured me that she could fit a hundred pounds of pulled pork in the backseat. My little sister, a college junior, thought her sorority sisters wouldn’t mind driving upstate and helping with setup and cleanup. I mentally moved a block of the twin beds aside for sorority sisters and added the new line item to our budget. We made a list of people we hoped would be excited to help. We heard from a few friends that they wouldn’t be able to get there in time for pre-wedding festivities, but promised they’d roll in just prior to the ceremony. We calculated the cost of bussing people upstate. We figured out a way to get K’s priest there using a combination of trains and taxis.

Finally, when we were looking at tent rentals and liability insurance, things went to pot. You know the fast-cheap-and-good triangle? How you can pick any two but having all three is statistically impossible? Yeah. We were way past affordability at this point. K thought we could ask some close friends to cook the early meals, and actually enhance the community feel. I didn’t disagree with her, but we couldn’t afford a multi-day event coordinator. I knew that stage-managing a three-day summer camp was going to be so stressful for me that I would struggle to stop to enjoy myself or even fleetingly soak in the enormity of the weekend.

At this point in the planning, we could not have a conversation that didn’t devolve into tears. K wanted to go forward with the plan and trust that it would work out, trust that our community would pitch in to carry the load, but I couldn’t get past the indignity of the cost-cutting measures. We had The Sandwich Fight: K suggested that we save money at a non-wedding day meal by having people make their own lunches and then clear their plates, and I responded that I was not going to ask my father to eat a ham sandwich and load the dishwasher at my wedding, and then we basically wondered why we were getting married at all if our values were so completely different. Rinse, repeat.

A few weeks after The Sandwich Fight we sat down and ordered ourselves to hold a tiny Quaker meeting in our living room where we promised to remain calm and truly listen to each other. Was it the summer camp we wanted, or was it the low-key community feeling? We had originally rejected getting married in New York City, where we live. It felt too expensive, too urban, too overwhelming. But maybe we could figure out a way to bring the feel of community to our corner of Brooklyn, without spending millions of dollars or hours in the car.

Once we gave up the dream of recreating summer camp (and it pained us both), things slowly started coming together in different ways. My friend put together a Pinterest board of simple decorations we could use for the cobblestoned, slightly wild garden next to K’s church. We found a bunch of airbnb apartments scattered through our little Brooklyn neighborhood, and our college friends and family were happy to reserve them. K’s dream of having early morning coffee with her people will still happen; now it’ll be at the cafe across the street from our apartment. And my camp friends are swapping rounds and planning what we’ll all sing during the ceremony.

We’re thinking of it now as if our wedding is a part of normal life, instead of a one-in-a-lifetime dreamscape. We’ll get up; we’ll swing by the bourbon bar that doubles as a flower shop to get a spontaneous bouquet; we’ll take the Q train to K’s church and I’ll point out Governor’s Island when we’re on the Manhattan Bridge like I do every sunny day. It’ll be like any other Saturday—but this will be the best by far.

After the wedding, we’re sneaking off for a few days to a lakeside cabin in the Catskills. There’s a fire pit and a porch with Adirondack chairs and a mountain view across the lake. And I made sure that the place has a canoe.

Photo by APW sponsor Emily Takes Photos

One sentence sum up of the wedding vibe: Sunshine, Daisies, Happiness, and Blessing.

The Info—Photographers: Judy Wiebe and Leor Stanley / Venue: Our friend’s field / Dresses: Modcloth / Lace-Trimmed Planters and Hanging Planters on the Chuppah: Ikea

Other cool stuff we should know about:I look at the photos, and it makes me think a few things:

1. My dream worked. It’s possible. It wasn’t perfect, and I’m so very glad. It was perfect because we are in love and our family and friends felt welcomed, got to celebrate, and had a party with us. Success.
2. We didn’t spend a fortune, I bought my dress online, we didn’t rent chairs or a tent, we had no sound system, our photographers were a good friend and a sibling, we didn’t feed the world. And still people walk up to me on the street of our small town and tell me it was the funnest or coolest wedding they’d ever been to.
3. We planned it long-distance from home and each other over the span of six months while in school, save the week before wedding. It was crazy. It worked.
4. If you don’t want to be crazy at your wedding, odds are you won’t be. The morning of my wedding I was probably calmer than when I wake up five minutes after sleeping through my alarm. It can be fun.
5. I still love my husband. More than my wedding day. And if the wedding was completely different—in a cave, in the winter, with no one there—I would love him just as much.

Favorite thing about the wedding: Having a field full of daisies to park my VW in the sunshine and picnic with my husband, family, and friends.

by Maddie Eisenhart

Earlier today Meg wrote a great post on privacy at weddings. It’s a topic close to my heart, as I photograph dozens of weddings each year and am constantly surprised at the ubiquity of cameras and phones present during precious moments like processionals and vows. (This photographer leaves her camera at home during weddings.  Except maybe instant. Because that thing is fun at parties.) And while a lot of what Meg had to say involves working with the people making your wedding happen and managing everyone’s expectations (including your own), sometimes it’s just easier in the wedding planning process to let your stuff do the talking for you instead.

So with that in mind, we asked Charmaine of Everly Calligraphy to help us come up with a pretty but to-the-point sign asking guests to respect your unplugged wedding. The resulting creation is a beautiful 8.5 x 11″ hand-written document that you can download, print and frame somewhere at your wedding, cluing folks into the game plan. And while you can’t change the text of these signs, since Charmaine is extra kind, we’ve got a bunch of different color variations for you to choose from (click after the jump to see more) and Charmaine even included the raw Photoshop files for the sign in case you want to get crazy and change the text or background color. I tried my hand at it and came up with this version, which I’m secretly kind of in love with:

To download your set of printable signs (which includes both the PDFs and the PSD files bundled together in a .zip file), just click here. My hope for this year is that I’ll start seeing a lot more of these, and a lot less of this:

And now, if you’d like to take a peek before you download, check out some of the color combinations Charmaine created for us after the jump:

Photo by APW Sponsor Hart & Sol West 

by Meg Keene, APW Executive Editor

A Wedding Invitation Is Not A Media Pass

I knew something was changing when a few years ago, I got this question: A reader’s uncle had videotaped her vows on his iPhone, and the day after the wedding had uploaded them to his Facebook page and tagged her in the post. His message was that her vows were so lovely that he felt compelled to share them. Her message was that she felt like her privacy had been violated. She wondered if it would be tremendously rude to ask him to take the video down. “Of course it’s not rude,” I replied. “What was rude was to record one of the most personal moments of someone’s life, and to share it as if it belonged to you.”

Fast forward to 2013, and that exchange already feels dated. Mark Zuckerberg thinks that the amount that we share online and through social media will double every year. I don’t think that’s exactly true, since already we’re all shutting down feeds we can’t keep up with (for me, that’s Facebook—sorry Mark). But it’s true that the way people share has changed drastically in the last few years. It’s not just the ubiquity of social networking sites, it’s the way smart phones have put effortless power in our hands. If we can easily take a video, or snap a picture, we can just as thoughtlessly share those photos or videos. We’ve forgotten the person who records the moment (and makes it pretty) is not the person the moment belongs to. We’ve forgotten that privacy has value.

You Don’t Need A Reason 

The other week, I was reading an advice column about a woman who didn’t want her children’s pictures shared on social media. Since I’m in a substantially similar position (I share my kid’s pictures in very limited and reasonably private ways), I related. But the advice columnist’s response threw me. They told the woman to tell people, “I know I’m paranoid, but I’d rather you didn’t share my kids picture online.” And thanks for playing, but no. I don’t ask people to not share pictures of my kid because I’m afraid of predators; I just think that he should get to choose how he lives on the internet. I don’t want to make that choice for him, and I definitely don’t want some random person making the call. I disagree with the advice columnist because I don’t think asking people not to share your private life online requires an excuse. I just think it requires a please and thank you.

If you’re asking people to not share your wedding pictures on social media, you might feel like you need a reason, or feel compelled to make an excuse. You might think, “I’m not comfortable having my pictures shared, but it’s not like I’m famous, so what right do I have to ask for that?” But the reason is simply that weddings are private. You invited your uncle, not your uncle and all of his Facebook friends. You’re collecting a community of people to witness a very personal commitment. By doing that, you have the right to request and expect privacy. Figuring out how to do that well is the key.

How Do You Want Your Wedding Shared?

As with all things wedding, this is a conversation best had with your partner first, and then clearly articulated to vendors as well as friends and family. Let’s walk through questions to ask yourself and others.

The Moment

Of course, there is a hidden upside to limiting people’s social sharing of your wedding: it forces people to be in the moment. As I talked about in my “Don’t Pin It—Do It” post, we’ve all become so used to sharing what we’re doing online, that we sometimes don’t know how to turn it off. Sometimes the reminder to put away your phone, to put down your camera, comes as a relief. I don’t have to document this one, I can just experience it. Thanks for that.

**Note: For a different (but equally important) take on technology and weddings, check out Offbeat Bride’s classing The Unplugged Wedding.**

Photo by APW Sponsor Kara Schultz

—Meg

by Anonymous

A while ago Meg joked about how glad she was that she planned her wedding BEFORE she got knocked up, and not the other way around. Silly Meg.

You see, planning a wedding when you’ve got a baby, toddler, small child, angst-ridden teenager, or a child that won’t leave home, is a breeze. I don’t have much experience with the older kids, so I’ll just keep my advice to the tiny people. Let me run down a quick list of pro tips in case anyone is in the throes of planning and can use the hints.

Tip #1: Put your kid to work.
Okay, babies are pretty worthless when it comes to wedding planning. But they are useful as paperweights, and their slobber is great for sealing envelopes. Who needs that wax seal when you’ve got infant mouth goo? Toddlers, on the other hand are super helpful. They can help organize all your lists and planning supplies. If they think something is a bad idea they’ll put it in the toilet. Or someplace where you will never find it. Trust their judgment.

Tip#2: Your wedding is about entertainment. For your baby.
Do you really want to deal with a temper tantrum at your wedding? No. So your job is to make sure that your baby has a good time at your wedding. Rent a bouncy castle if you need to. Same goes for wedding fare. Hot dogs, anyone? Or consider getting married on a weekday and dropping darling child off at daycare.

Tip #3: Lots of wine.
This is very important. Lots of wine during the planning process and at the wedding. Only way to get through it. Mmmm.

Tip #4: Wear a beautiful white dress.
Bawhahahhahahahahhahahahha. That was mean, I know. But seriously, go ahead and wear one. Just don’t get all bent out of shape when your little one tears it or wipes their snotty nose on it, or puts an awesome dirty handprint on it.

Tip #5: Get lots of rest during the planning process.
I like to go to bed immediately after my toddler. So we both sleep from about 8:30pm to 5:30am. OMFG it is so wonderful. Me time. My fiancé likes to watch TV after I go to bed early. I checked our DVR once to find some Sesame Street for the child, and it was full of recordings of True Blood. This discovery made me really reconsider things marriage-wise. But it was getting close to 8:30, so I just went to bed instead.

So yeah, wedding planning with a child can be challenging. Planning with your future husband sans child can be equally challenging. But I found out All The Things about planning for a life event with my fiancé while we were planning for the child. I found out that he has to have a say in everything. Which is so damn annoying I can’t even tell you. Mostly because I have an amazeballs idea, he shoots it down cause it sounds too non-traditional, then a bit later he’s on board. Also annoying because I like to run the show.

I also learned (while planning the baby shower) that my fiancé thinks people eat five to six pounds at every meal. No. People don’t. So deciding on catering and amounts to cater is always something we find problematic. He over ordered for the baby shower, but ordered a perfect amount for the child’s first birthday party. Blergh.

He is also extremely compassionate and supportive. He doesn’t rub my feet anymore (horsesh*t!), but he knows when I need a hug, which is almost as good. He knows that my mom is going to disappoint me no matter what, so he reminds me to be careful when making plans with her—all details he learned when I was seventy-two pounds heavier and craving Taco Bell and hot wings on the daily.

We both also know that when we don’t see eye to eye on something, it’s tough. Raising a baby is tough; when it’s Rosemary’s Baby (like my little sweetie turns into) then it’s even tougher. We don’t always agree on parenting crap like discipline or what to feed the child or bedtime. For real. What dumb things to argue about, right? Well, it happens. I suppose it’s a lot like arguing over the chargers or the chairs or the vows you’ll say. And now we’ve got a child in the planning mix. Seriously, the last thing I want is my kiddo to be bored out of his mind and stuck at his parent’s wedding. I can only imagine the amount of terror he would cause.

We cleared out a whole section at an Olive Garden just last night. The child wasn’t even mad, he was just being a two-year-old. And geeze, so many people forget what being two is like. You scream at the top of your lungs just to do it, you put salad in your hair because it feels interesting, and you spill, like, everything. Because you are two.

Any huge life event, like getting married, or having a baby—in whatever order—gives a couple a foundation to build on. Sometimes that foundation falls apart; sometimes it’s stronger than you could have ever imagined.

But you build.

And you learn that your partner can’t drive a screw in without stripping it.

No really, honey. Please. Stop assembling things.

Photo by APW Sponsor Kara Schultz